When Is It Over?

You do not have to forgive in order to move on. Forgiving takes love and time. Moving on takes time as well, however, it only involves forgetting, not forgiving the person at fault. One of my favorite quotes about forgiveness is, “It takes a second to make a mistake, but a lifetime to try and forget it was your fault.”

It has been a little over a year now when my mom pulled into the vacant parking lot at an elementary school by our house to tell my 14 year-old sister at the time and I about the divorce. I was sitting there in the passenger seat, sobbing uncontrollably, listening to her talk about how it has been going on for a couple months. She had just found out a couple weeks earlier by accidently reading through emails which made me sick to my stomach. She completely opened up to us. I think it was the first time when she had cried about it in front of people. I had heard her cry herself to sleep a couple times before because of him, but I never knew what it was about. She told us about how she found three tracking devices on our van. He followed her places after she left work to meet up with friends before coming home. She repeated over and over again, “girls I want you to know how he is still your dad and he has always treated you with love and respect and you need to do the same now.” But as she was telling us that I was sitting there thinking to myself, “how could he, how could he tear apart the best thing that has ever happened to him? Or so he says we are.” He quickly turned into an unforgivable person.

My dad is the best dad anyone could ever have. Has been to every play, game, and activity my sisters and I have been involved in. A devoted husband on the other hand, is not something he knows how to be. Their marriage was falling apart piece by piece. Turns out he had been cheating on my mom for months without anyone knowing. I have learned over the years that sometimes “sorry” is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change.

I did not talk to him for weeks. I did not answer any of his phone calls or emails. I erased every text he sent me without even opening them. I could not stand looking at him. After continuing this for about two months, I went into my church to talk to my priest about it. He, of course told me to talk to God about it and pray for help to forgive him. It was the first person besides my mom and sisters and close friends that talked to about it. That’s when I realized that the sermons he gives on Sundays really do relate to me. Sobbing for hours in the church pew made me reflect on how I was letting his terrible and unforgivable choice get in between our father-daughter bond.

To me, our bond will never be the same. It has been a little over a year and I know that I am not even close to forgiving him. Moving on so that I can continue with my life is the most important priority to me right now. I know that eventually forgiving him is going to be the most amazing feeling. All I want my dad to do is realize what he did was devastating to our relationship. He still acts as if nothing ever happened. I think that I will truly forgive him when he talks to me and is 100 percent honest. I want him to tell me why he did it and why he lied so many times to my mom and me. If he ever finally does that, I will hopefully be able to fully move on and forgive him. I want him to understand that no matter how many times you say you’re sorry it will not wash away all the pain and hurt you caused and the tears you made me cry.